Sunday, June 3, 2007

When we had Teralyn, six years ago, I had no idea what we were in for. We spent the first six months of her life wondering what had hit us. It seemed that every evening we would spend trying to keep her up to no avail, and then ten o'clock hit and we were all up all night! Brian would sleep with her on his chest making sure that binkie stayed put. I would desperately try to get a couple hours of sleep until she wanted to eat again. I thought we would never get through that time.

After six months with a baby that cried all the time, Teralyn finally started to act like a "normal baby". I couldn't believe that she actually let me put her down. My family couldn't believe that she was smiling! It was so relieving to finally get a little time for myself and to be able to sleep at night. I promised myself I would figure out what was wrong. I read all the books and magazines on colic that I could get my hands on. I was determined to never have that happen to me again.

A few months later when we found out we were pregnant with Shaylee, I almost cried thinking about what I had just been through. I was so excited to have her come into my family, but terrified of those months right after birth. I prayed every night I would have a good baby and hoped for the best.

Two months after Shay was born I went off dairy. It seemed like in a month things got much easier. When I had Ashtyn, I went off dairy after two weeks, and with Raegan I went off dairy the minute I had her.

These past two weeks have been better than I think I have ever had with a newborn. I can't say it's been easy. Especially this last week without my mom or my husband at home with me. I also can't say that I don't second guess what I'm doing. You would think that a mother of four knew exactly what her baby needs when she goes into a crying fit. I don't know if I will ever understand all of it. I do know though, that I am much more patient than I was with Teralyn. I know that I can get through it without losing my sanity (sometimes I wonder), and that someday I will be able to eat dairy again! I can't wait to have a bowl of Moose Track ice cream!

Brian sets up camp most nights on the couch with Raegan on his chest

Even though I have moments where I wonder "what did I do?" I have to say that it's all worth it. I love being a mommy and can't wait to get that first smile.

Ashty and Raegan on my bed